The first week of every semester brings forth new subjects, new classmates and new ways to fall asleep in your power lecture. For instance, I have fallen asleep four times in one lecture'a new high! There are however, familiar aspects of our college life such as friends, hangouts and places in which to pass out. I personally endorse the corner of Park and Johnson where college freshmen, coming from the latest disappointment of a party at College Court, will poke you with sticks until you bleed.
One of the places I always enjoy returning to are the libraries. Not because I actually study (who seriously does that around here?) more because I work in one, and personally feel more secure in an environment with the same temperature year round. Being a student of the perverted arts, a.k.a. political science, I spend most of my time in two libraries, Memorial and College.
Memorial Library has a storied past. You see, it was once a 19th-century prison for tax evaders and people who had sex before marriage. Actually, it was built in the '50s, thus inheriting the style of the period: soulless and very, very white. But I swear it could double as a prison. My main argument are these \studying carrels,"" two-by-four spaces which are divided by a metal cage and a shelf of books. Not that I think about this a lot, but if you honestly wanted to kill a person and stuff their body somewhere, these areas are ideal because of the little-to-no lighting.
One time, I did actually find a skeleton there, but it turns out that it was just a midget extra from when ""Back to School"" was filmed here. Why he was there, I'll never know.
Often toward the end of semester, I receive a notice from my TA that I need an ""A"" on my final to pass the class. And since sleeping with your teachers doesn't go as far as it used to, I actually need to study. I try to improve my chances by actually studying with people who know more than I do and leech off them. This requires a lot of talking, and thus, I go to the loudest library in America, College Library, a.k.a. Helen C. White Library, a.k.a. the H.C. for all my thugz on the street. In all honesty, it's not really a library. It's more like a bar. I call it the Kollege Klub with books. So at the K.K. with books, one can openly converse with others without fear of being shushed by the staff. Since it's so loud and so popular, many students try to pick up members of the opposite sex there. Some people actually dress up to study. Guys, wearing the latest styles in Abercrombie and American Eagle, are on their cells, because anyone who's anyone needs to talk on their cell phone at the library.
Ladies, or ""hoochie mamas"" as the Maoris call them, are primed to go to the K.K. with books in the tightest of clothing, the most makeup available and the coolest of bandanas to adorn. There are quiet areas to study, but the cubicles look like something out of ""1984,"" and I'm always finding myself getting lost trying to find my place when I go get my daily bag of Potato Skins. I usually just give up and buy new books the next day.
So in conclusion, when life gets you down, and you have nowhere to go, just remember there's a place where you can go... The YMCA!!!! Actually, scratch that. Just go to your local library that looks like a prison. That or else the one that doubles as a bar. Aw hell, just go to Library Mall where that guy in the orange jump suit will play his piccolo for you. That guy is frickin' awesome!
