Do you remember Lisa's column from a couple of Fridays ago? The one about the prostitute and her husband in Amsterdam's red-light district? Well, because of that column, I was recently challenged to marry a prostitute.
Yes, that's right. I won't go into all of the reasons why I have been so challenged. It isn't really the critical element of the story. Nor is the important part the finding of a prostitute that I could love, cherish and honor until death do us part. I have every faith that the right prostitute is out there for me somewhere.
The reason I don't know if I can accept the challenge is because of marriage. I never plan to get married. In fact, I plan to reject any proposals that come my way. In part, it is a matter of principle. I don't feel the need for the government to know my marital status.
I also don't understand what purpose there is to the ceremony. I am not a religious or spiritual person, so I certainly don't need to secure my union before a god of any sort. If the point of marriage is to commit myself to someone, then why can't I just say, \Hey, [insert name here], I am committed to you! I really mean it!""
OK, I have a little confession. A big reason that I don't want to get married is that I promised myself I wouldn't when I was 5 years old. When all of the other girls were planning Barbie weddings, my Barbie and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. Yes, we had our priorities straight.
There is no sense in planning a wedding to someone who I will probably find barely tolerable in a couple of years when I could be watching reruns of ""The Beverly Hillbillies."" I don't mean to make light of my decision'5-year-old me would be very upset if she could read this right now'because it is something I fully intend to stick to. I really don't see any purpose to my getting married.
I haven't broken any hearts with this decision. No one has asked me to be his or her betrothed. I have, however, been asked to speak at a wedding ceremony. I don't have to say a lot. It is just a minute or two at the most. But what can I say? I don't really hold the institution in the highest regard.
It seems to me, and I think you would agree, that my friends are asking for trouble by having me speak at their wedding. I mean, really, what do they expect me to say? They know the last thing I would ever do is get married. Obviously, they expect me to lie. In fact, this is what I have been advised by others to do. One should not editorialize during gestures of friendship. The day before the ceremony, I will compose a supportive, clever and generous statement to usher my friends into married life. I will deliver it with a smile. And I will bite my tongue.
I still have a problem, though. As much as I want to stay true to my wee kindergarten self, I have been challenged, and I hate to back down from a good fight. Should I break my 20-year-long resolve? What would it say about me if I did? Probably not a lot. When I was five I thought I would be a drummer when I grew up. I didn't decide to go to graduate school until I was six.
