Yeah, so I went out and had a good time this weekend. Maybe a little too good, however, as I didn't realize that I had a column due for today until the Super Bowl halftime show sobered me right up. In a panic I quickly called up my editor, Ellen, to beg for some more time.
\Hey Ellen,"" I said.
""Who is this?"" she quickly responded.
""It's Matt.""
""Maaaaattttt... '""
""Matt Worzala? I write the Monday column for the Cardinal.""
""I thought your last name was Rogers.""
You know what? The whole 50-minute conversation isn't that important, the important thing is that Ellen refused to have the entire Monday edition delayed until Wednesday just because, as she put it, I am an ""idiot.""
Needless to say, I was feeling down, very down. But then Ellen lifted my spirits by telling me that apparently I had dropped off a piece of paper at the office sometime Friday night. Since it had my name on it and ""made as much sense as [you] normally do,"" Ellen placed it in my spot.
So here it is, I hope you like it. Heck, I hope I like it, as this is the first time I'm seeing it too.
Matt Warzalla's Star Worz...
Hey! I get it! Star Worz! His name is Worzala and the column is STAR WORZ! Like the MOVIE! Oh man! I just thought they couldn't speel it write. No, shut up. No, you stink. Shut up! Darth Maul was not a [edited for content]! I bet you'd cut your hand off it you had a lightsaber you... no...give it....leggo!
How can you spell Miyagi but not sieve? You're such an [edited for content].
(Editor's Note: The next several paragraphs had to be thrown out due to comments that were graphically profane, homophobic, and borderline racist. On top of that, I just couldn't make heads or tails of what they were even saying. Talk about some terrible penmenship.)
Yeah but, no, no, you can NOT try to say that virtual representation was viable for the American colonies!
Your mom.
Your mom.
Yeah! We'd be MUCH funnier then he is! Did you read that ""Planet of the Apes"" one?
My names Nate, idiot!
You are [edited for content].
(Editor's Note: It just breaks down from there with the rest of the pages having had beer or something spilled on them. Oh but look, looks like we've filled the space. Good, cause I need a beer after that. What a bunch of [edited for content].)
OUT!
