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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Saturday, June 22, 2024

Bowl-less Badgers a blessing of sorts

By now, everyone is aware that the Wisconsin football team is not going to a bowl game this year'the first time this has happened since the 1995 season.  




What many of you may not know, however, is that NOT going to a bowl game may just be a GOOD thing (notice capitalization, not really for emphasis, but just because it looks cool). Now, before you get all \U-Rah, Rah, Wisconsin"" on me, I have an excellent illustration of how postseason play can turn out to be a mistake of inordinate proportion, similar to that of Pepsi-Cola's ill-fated, and short-lived, experiment with Crystal Pepsi.  




Case in point: my trip to Boise, Idaho, in March to cover the UW men's basketball team in the opening round of the NCAA Tournament.  




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I'm not sure how many of you have been to Boise at some point in your lives, but allow me to estimate the answer to be once. Anyway, you are not missing much, unless you enjoy a whole lot of nothing. Then you are missing a lot'of nothing. 




As unfulfilling as my journey was, it did teach me a few lessons that hopefully I can impress on you now.  




One, do not go to Boise.  




Two, the Boise State University's football turf is blue, causing it to look a lot like a lake. Well, it might not look like much of a lake to any half-functioning human, but to a duck it apparently looks quite a bit like one. The feathered creatures have been known to fly into the turf, expecting to land on a body of water. Instead, the duck ends up breaking its neck. Yeah, pretty sad. So the lesson here is obvious: Do not have blue turf. Paint it red or orange if you have the irresistible urge to go against the traditional green. There are not any red or orange lakes and ducks certainly are not going to fly into the mouth of a volcano'that would be just plain mad. 




OK, point No. 3. This is the good one, trust me. Watching UW lose in the first round of the NCAA Tournament by giving up a seven-point lead in the final minute, thus meaning the rest of your weekend would be spent uttering the phrase ""I hate you, Mark Vershaw"" while you wander around the streets of downtown Boise'and I use the term loosely'is not a good thing. In fact, it is a bad thing. It is an even worse thing when you return home from your spring break to hear all your friends' stories of fun in the sun and meeting more people of the opposite sex in a week than you know you will in the next month. On the upside, at least I can say it does not hurt when I urinate. 




With this in mind (not the urination, but UW's 5-7 record), I present you with a few bowls that I am quite relieved UW will not be playing in. 
 Bowl'Formula for a bowl: money plus a warm place to play equals your name, no matter how lame, on the bowl. 




AXA Liberty Bowl'BYU goes undefeated and its reward is a trip to Memphis and a showdown against Louisville. That's like giving Bill Gates a one-hundred-dollar bill. He'll take it, but it sure is not going to make much of a difference. 
 Humanitarian Bowl'Guess what? This one is in good ol' Boise, Idaho. Does anyone find it ironic that a bowl entitled ""humanitarian"" would take place on a field whose color leads innocent ducks to their untimely deaths? 




Tangerine Bowl'The poor man's Orange Bowl? Strike that, the poverty-stricken, I'll-eat-out-of-a-Dumpster man's Orange Bowl. 




Wells Fargo Sun Bowl'Been there, done that, really no need to go back. 




My mom is right: Always look at the positive. 




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