College students are a pretty unhealthy group of people. We stay up all night and wake up in time for morning classes (sometimes). Breakfast is often skipped, dinner is often pizza. We eat far too many mood-altering substances and not nearly enough bran. We are a constantly told that we are at a higher risk for everything from binge drinking to meningitis.
But hey, it can't be all bad, right? Unless you own one of those crotch rockets or sleep in the chemistry building, you probably walk or bike to class. It takes me about fifteen minutes to walk from my house to campus. This little bit of exercise is most likely all that is keeping me from turning into an unmoving pile of human jelly. Lately, however, the weather has been downright nipply and, like many people, I have been forced to rely upon Madison Metro.
The Metro is a wonderful thing and I love it dearly. Sometimes I wonder what I love more, the L, the LN or the good old number 10. They have all saved me countless frosty winter trudges through snow and sleet and for that I will always be grateful. Still, like anything, my beloved Metro could stand to make a few small improvements.
Like the schedules: I think that it is time for all the bus drivers to admit that the Ride Guides placed throughout the buses are all part of an elaborate practical joke. I mean, half of those routes don't even exist and the names of the many of the stops are obviously made up. Who's ever heard of \East Towne Mall""? And spelling town with an ""e""'what kind of crazy freethinkers are these people anyway? Also, there is no mention of the ""Not In Service"" route, despite its huge popularity.
I also wish the drivers would be more aggressive. If someone is crossing the street in front of the bus, the driver should hit a special horn that would bellow in a deep baritone, ""Out of my way, pitiful human!"" If that doesn't work, side- and front-mounted tasers would make quick work of any dawdlers.
Just imagine the possibilities ...
Scene: Person on cell phone begins to cross street, even though ""Don't Walk"" sign is on and a bus is bearing down.
Person on cell phone: ""Oh, I am crossing University Avenue'I can see you on the other side! Can you see me waving to you?""
Bus: ZAP!
End of story.
Of course, the bus is not the only way to get around. In fact, it is not even the only free way to get around. There is also SAFEride, another marvelous invention. SAFEride has many advantages over taking the bus. For one thing, it's on demand. You call them up and they send a cab over within a few minutes. The downfall of SAFEride is that will only take you to someone's house. They're pretty clever too'the ""I-live-at-the-Essen-Haus"" trick doesn't work, no matter how often you try.
There is something called SAFEwalk too, I guess. But unless they actually carry you from place to place, I'm not interested. After all, you don't get to be an unmoving pile of human jelly by walking home.
