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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Saturday, June 22, 2024

Voices in my head

I like to take time each day to reflect on the events that have passed, to contemplate the meaning of life and to decide what I want to eat for dinner'frozen pizza or macaroni and cheese. 




This course of action has led to many great discoveries that I will some day publish in a book entitled 'Great Discoveries.'  




As for right now, I would like to share a few of my suppositions with you fine folks.  




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So sit back, take off your shoes'unless your feet really smell, then please leave your shoes on, no one likes smelly feet'and enjoy.  




Who invented the ball? Really, the sports world owes this great man or woman a considerable debt of gratitude and if the person would have been smart enough to patent it, he or she probably would have received a pretty hefty paycheck, not to mention naming rights.  




Almost all sports use some type of ball, and as far as I am concerned the invention of the ball ranks up there with that of the printing press, the drive-thru window and Febreeze. 




ESPN could possibly one day start its own nation. Bristol, Conn., is a nice place and all, but I foresee ESPN buying a small Third World nation or perhaps just an island in the Caribbean from which it can run its vast sports empire, prudently planning the 'Did You Know'? and deciding in closed-door meetings whether Ken Griffey Jr.'s catch in the bottom of the eighth inning is worthy of being on the plays of the day. 




I recently got digital cable for 10 bucks for the first month and 30 bucks for the next two months, and there was no installation fee. Maybe Charter Communications is not the devil after all; perhaps just a spawn or evil minion of the dark lord. I know this doesn't have anything to do with sports, but can you believe getting digital cable for 10 bucks? That's more than 130 channels and I get HBO and Cinemax for free. I can basically forget about class right now. 




Jim Rome must be stopped. I cannot put it more simply than that. The man hurts my ears. Besides trying to have more attitude than a 15-year-old girl, I do not believe he has anything worthwhile to say. The only decent thing he has done in his life is to repeatedly call then-Rams quarterback Jim Everett 'Chris' until Jim jumped up during the interview and began pummeling Mr. Rome. Everett certainly had a take. Does anyone know where I can find a tape of that interview? 




The Sausage Race at Miller Park is quite possibly the best in-game entertainment around. Yeah, I know everyone is going to say, 'What about Destiny's Child or Sugar Ray at halftime of the NBA Finals'?, but for my money it has to be the sausages. Four seven-foot-tall wieners racing around a baseball diamond. It's great entertainment for kids and adults alike. If they can make a sequel to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, why not a movie starring the sausages? 




Do you know how bad the UW men's basketball team is going to be this year? Bad. Charlie Wills is a nice guy and a hard worker, but is he a star? Michigan State has towel boys with more talent than some of the players Wisconsin is going to toss out on the court this year. Oh well, at least the Badgers still have Kirk Penney. You can't beat a guy with a cool accent. 




Hmm, time for some digital cable. 

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