Student drops out for semester, blames UW-Net's current campus wide wifi-outage

In breaking news, UW-Madison freshman, Faye Lure has dropped out of classes for the semester, citing the outage of the university’s campus-wide wifi as the cause of her decision. She claims that the lack of connectivity to the internet has caused an unnatural disconnection between herself and her generation’s love of using picture or gif templates as coping mechanisms or as a response to current events. The Daily Cardinal reached out to her concerning her allegations.
“Moving to campus has been a very stressful thing for me, you know? Having to move downtown from the suburbs of Middleton has been a drastic change for me. And yeah, I know they are only a few miles away, but I just feel so far from everyone I know and love.”
She continued, “I haven’t been able to Skype my family or check Canvas for class updates, but most importantly, I haven’t been able to keep up with the trending memes. I didn’t even know about the Ted Cruz twitter incident until HOURS after it happened. Can you even imagine how hard it is to live like this?”
Cardinal reporters later informed Lure’s professors of the situation to which they expressed great concern, some even moved to tears. Her biology professor stated, “Had we been informed of this student’s predicament sooner we could most definitely have accommodated for her needs. We fully understand that some students need memes of the dankest degree in order to properly process and understand class content and worldly news. In response to this myself, as well as some of her other teachers, are planning on fully integrating memes into our curriculum. I’m even allotting the first and last five minutes of class to browsing Twitter’s trending topics and Reddit’s blackpeopletwitter.”
After Faye learned of this change in class curriculum she reached out to the Cardinal to inform us that she would be attempting to return to classes in the fall semester, but the internet outage has so far not allowed her to do so. She has gone to DoIT, but so far they have instructed her to turn her computer on and off again.
When Cardinal staffers learned of her predicament, they all pitched in to a GoFundMe fundraiser in the hopes that Faye can get a new unlimited data plan and browse dank memes in her time of need.
As of the publication of this article DoIT has not yet responded to the Cardinal’s numerous requests for comments.

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