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Friday, March 29, 2024
The Academy’s main suspects for the Russian spies depicted here.

The Academy’s main suspects for the Russian spies depicted here.

Academy Awards blame Russia for Best Picture mix-up

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Over a week after the 89th Academy Awards, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences released a statement saying it is “confident” that Russia is to blame for the Best Picture mix-up that shocked the world. According to the statement, the Academy denies the possibility that human error may have caused the mistake and insists that Russia’s highest officials ordered a “series of deceptive tactics, including spies, look-alikes and other clever distractions” to cause PwC accountant Brian Cullinan to give the presenters the wrong envelope.
 “Although investigations are still underway, we are almost positive that the Russians have sent a spy backstage to distract the accountants and sabotage the presentation,” The Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs said in a press conference following the statement. “I am utterly heartbroken by this attack on the integrity of the entertainment industry, America’s most noble institution.”
Dmitry Peskov, spokesperson for Russian President Vladimir Putin, said in an interview that Putin was “incredibly hurt” by the accusations. “President Putin loves ‘Moonlight’ and has seen it at least three times,” Peskov commented. “He was thrilled to see it win Best Picture.” In recent tweets, Putin explained that while watching the Oscars, he was “just as shocked and confused as everybody else” and called “Moonlight” a “true masterpiece, beautifully shattering stereotypes of masculinity and sexuality.”
While “Moonlight” representatives have remained largely silent on the issue, “La La Land” composer Justin Hurwitz has composed a heart-wrenching score about his feelings on the issue to be released in time to sweep at the 2018 Grammy Awards.

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