Candidates are starting to announce their plans to become the next president of the United States. But even political juggernauts like Hillary Clinton and Marco Rubio probably don’t know these crazy things about the race they just entered.
—This will be the final presidential election
—Coca-Cola is sending the candidates on a week-long Mediterranean cruise
—Every candidate is actually expecting to win
—Obama plans to run for a third consecutive term
—No one can save the nation from utter despair
—The winner this year will be chosen by an octopus
—Candidates get to bring a plus one to all election-related events
—A zero-tolerance policy will be enforced for all sabotage attempts
—More than half the candidates can spell “hardy” on the first try
—All candidates have the middle name Rodman
