Midterm elections saw the Republican Party gain at least 10 seats in the House of Representatives, allowing them to maintain firm control over the chamber’s thermostat.
The GOP took control of the House after the 2010 midterm elections, and immediately cranked the temperature down to a chilly 60 degrees.
“You should have seen the heating bill,” Speaker of the House John Boehner said. “It was a classic example of liberal fiscal irresponsibility.”
Before 2010, Democratic congressmen, led by Speaker Nancy Pelosi, had normally set the thermostat to 72 degrees, turning up the heat on particularly cold days in Washington.
“The climate was practically tropical,” Boehner said. “American tax dollars were being wasted on House utilities in 2010, and we felt it was our responsibility to run a tighter ship.”
The House was built in 1800.
“The Capitol is over 200 years old,” House Majority Whip Steve Scalise said. “And these old buildings are notorious for letting heat escape. It just didn’t make sense from a financial standpoint to have the thermostat turned up that high.”
Winter is right around the corner, and temperatures in Washington have already begun to dip. In recent years, November has been a bad time to be a part of the Democratic minority.
“I don’t know if I’ll survive four more winters like this,” Pelosi said, rubbing her hands together for warmth. “I think I’m getting sick again.”
Democrats have already called for a bipartisan compromise to the heating situation.
“Christ, I can see my breath in here,” Democratic Colorado congressman Jared Polis said. “We need to reach across the aisle on this and meet in the middle at 65 degrees.”
However, Boehner has repeatedly stated Republicans will not budge on the heating issue.
“If we have to filibuster to make House conditions livable again, we will,” Scalise said.
“The simple solution: layer up,” Boehner said, wrapping his signature GOP red scarf around his neck. “I guess it doesn’t help that liberals are cold-blooded to begin with.”
The GOP also took control of the Senate, putting chilly Democrats in a tough spot.
“We can’t even go over to the other chamber to get warmed up anymore,” Pelosi said, shivering. “Son of a bitch, it’s cold in here.”
