ALMANAC
sunday mo(u)rnings
By Tara Sherchok | Nov. 14, 2019"sunday mournings were never meant for music anyway"
Almanac
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pinky promises
By Tara Sherchok | Nov. 14, 2019"our pinkies interlocked with a whisper of a promise"
ALMANAC
Militant hippie occupies Library Mall, compromises student values
By Sam Jones | Nov. 7, 2019Candid speaks to passing frat boys.
ALMANAC
Stubborn, obsessive child insists on being the goddamn blue power ranger for the third Halloween in a row
By Jordan Simon | Oct. 31, 2019Simpson's Power Ranger stance.
ALMANAC
Despite tireless production, candy corn sits untouched on shelves for yet another year
By Bailey Hills | Oct. 31, 2019Devilish candy corn staring you down intensely, daring you to have a taste while it collects dust in your mother's decorative Halloween dish
ALMANAC
In need of a last-minute Halloween costume? Almanac has you covered!
By Jordan Simon , Mira Gollard and Bailey Hills | Oct. 24, 2019Looking for an incredible last-minute Halloween costume like "Sexy King Henry VIII" or "Flamingo Run"? Look no further!
ALMANAC
Elements
By Anupras Mohapatra | Oct. 17, 2019Humans are the most profound pieces of literature
ALMANAC
All content contributors to UW-Madison meme page win Nobel Prize for literature
By Jordan Simon | Oct. 17, 2019All contributing content members from the infamous "UW-Madison Memes for Milk-Chugging Teens" become recipients of the Nobel Prize for Literature.
ALMANAC
Lizzo DNA test results leaked, reveals she is only 98.63 percent That Bitch
By Jordan Simon | Oct. 17, 2019Lizzo faces much controversy following the leak of her DNA test.
ALMANAC
Dumb baby wearing "I will change the world" t-shirt accused of not knowing anything about poverty, climate change or humankind's inherent evil
By Bailey Hills | Oct. 10, 2019Dumb, ignorant baby defiantly tries to prove that he can in fact keep his head up during tummy time.
ALMANAC
Bucky Badger comes out as a furry
By Allyson Fergot | Oct. 10, 2019Bucky running from all his haters.
ALMANAC
Anonymous whistleblower report reveals Trump committed crimes against humanity
By Nick Rawling | Oct. 10, 2019In wake of striking accusations against Trump in anonymous whistleblower report, some still want to be friends.
ALMANAC
Riding the 80: an etiquette handbook
By Bailey Hills | Oct. 3, 2019A rare photograph of the 80 when all of the etiquette rules are followed.
ALMANAC
Madison area study reveals teen pregnancy rate among males has been stagnant for years
By Madison Moore | Oct. 3, 2019Pregnant teen male.
ALMANAC
Smartass wants everyone to know he's confused why The Daily Cardinal is only published once per week
By Jordan Simon | Oct. 3, 2019Smartass wants everyone to know he’s confused why he can only find The Daily Cardinal on stands once a week.
ALMANAC
Dear Beauty
By Je La Anjale Que Walton | Sep. 26, 2019Dear Beauty, so often so judgemental on the outskirts of am I enough? do I focus on your definition or what society has defined you as or better yet my definition of you yourself and I am reminded of chiseled lines and opposite parentheticals not of my own appearance but of who I have defined as enough not because you said so but because i’ve ignored your message of free defining of free will to be your name and in retrospect my definition has created a push for my own aesthetic for my own existence and worth allowing judgement free judgement leaving a contradicting love for you and of me for your definition never used a limit and here I have because ease is a better pain than acceptance and i’d rather hold what is filled in my sack than to confront your truth to reframe my mind to know what I knew before and to repeat your name in the remembrance of my great grandmother before me and how you both whispered to my mother’s womb there is no such thing as enough
ALMANAC
Well-known chain coffee shop's disappointing rewards program forces members to redefine 'loyalty'
By Bailey Hills | Sep. 19, 2019“In my book, loyalty is a two-way street,” “My cheating ex-husband has more integrity,” and “Capitalism must die!” are just a few of the remarks from frustrated members of a well-known chain coffee shop’s loyalty program.
ALMANAC
‘Der Rathskeller’ Faces Lawsuit After Incident of “Poor Pickle Placement”
By Jordan Simon | Sep. 19, 2019Professor Allenson being rushed to the hospital following a life-threatening soggy french-fry allergic reaction.
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