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(05/08/22 7:00am)
Nintendo Switch Sports opens with the familiar reminder to ensure the wrist strap is securely fastened. That nostalgia fades quickly as it becomes clear the brand new Switch Sports is entirely different from either of its predecessors, Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort, making both notable additions and omissions.
(05/05/22 7:00am)
A neighborhood white boy was recently checked into rehab due to his addiction to using AAVE. African-American Vernacular English, or AAVE, is the term for the words and speech patterns originating from Black communities. This includes many slang terms that reach widespread popularity through either pop culture or internet trends.
(05/03/22 7:00am)
Artificial syrup fans rejoice! In recent posts to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and MySpace, Mrs. Butterworth’s announced a vast expansion to their line of products. They already have “Original,” “Extra Buttery,” “Sugar Free” and “Lite,” but the company thinks it’s time for a change.
(04/27/22 7:00am)
In a closed-door meeting late last night, Democrat and Republican party leaders have struck a deal to get rid of all gay people. Democrats have called the deal a “massive win” for progressive causes.
(04/25/22 7:00am)
Hey there! I’m running as a Democrat who wants to get things done. My strategy is simple, but no one has done it before: I’m conceding to the right.
(04/21/22 3:30pm)
Reports show a pattern of confusion due to Passover and Easter occurring on the same weekend. It appears the Easter Bunny, known for hiding eggs and delivering baskets full of candy, has instead been occasionally leaving houses with plagues.
(04/21/22 7:00am)
Fox News announced that they are going to publicly broadcast the spinning of the Wheel of Outrage™. This wheel, or actually several wheels, have been in use internally for decades to determine what hosts will be mad about. Starting this week, they will begin broadcasting its spinning live as part of a larger cultural shift within the network.
(04/19/22 7:00am)
After decades of being underpaid, a year of teaching virtually, endless weeks of being exposed to and killed by COVID-19 in classrooms, months of outrage against “Critical Race Theory” and now accusations of grooming children, many public school teachers have decided to quit. This has left many school districts desperate for substitutes, let alone new full-time teachers.
(04/16/22 2:00pm)
Christ isn’t the only thing rising this Easter! This week, Pfizer, the company behind Viagra, announced a special Easter edition of the infamous blue pill.
(04/14/22 7:00am)
To celebrate Easter, nondenominational Christian student org Badger Cru announced Monday that they hid an egg on campus with a $500 reward for the student who finds it. Their announcement poem makes clear finding the egg does not require digging, trespassing or destruction of campus property.
(04/14/22 7:00am)
In mourning the death of President Donald J. Trump, we must set aside our political differences to find the humility and respect we each deserve as people.
(04/08/22 8:48pm)
University of Wisconsin-Madison senior Bulat Schamiloglu is slated to share his new short film, a reflection on his college experience, in this weekend’s Wisconsin Film Festival.
(04/12/22 7:00am)
In response to the recent UN Climate Report describing climate change prevention as “now or never,” Congress has announced a massive bipartisan bill to ensure the safety of the future generations and the planet as a whole.
(04/07/22 7:00am)
After the results of the recent ASM election were announced, signs and chants to “stop the steal” have been going on for days outside the ASM offices. Impassioned students have taken it upon themselves to protest the legitimacy of the student government election.
(04/05/22 7:00am)
After extensive nomination hearings before the Senate, the nominee for the Supreme Court seat vacated by Stephen Breyer, Ketanji Brown Jackson, was found underqualified due to her spotless record.
(03/29/22 7:00am)
At the Academy Awards on Sunday, Chris Rock joked about Jada Pinkett Smith’s hair by asking if she was going to be in GI Jane 2 — a seemingly tasteless joke about Pinkett Smith’s alopecia.
(03/25/22 7:00am)
The pervasiveness of cancel culture on campus is astounding. It seems every course I take and every class I attend insists on challenging my worldview.
(03/22/22 9:00pm)
This morning, the Girl Scouts of America announced troops nationwide will be accepting crypto currencies as payment for their infamous cookies.
(03/10/22 8:00am)
A study published in September of 2021 states people below the age of 40 will see natural disasters of unprecedented intensity and frequency. If you aren’t scared, you should be. Look around at life in the US and understand this is not normal, not sustainable, and needs to change if we want to minimize destruction and suffering in the present — let alone the future.
(03/04/22 1:43am)
A new pizza place recently opened under the University Book Store that serves New York-style pizza-by-the-slice. With no discernible signage, the pizzeria made its home in the hollowed out shell of the former Subway.