Ted Cruz comfortably delivers a campaign speech at a safe distance from the nearest body of water.
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Citing his inability to swim and his faith-based hatred of scantily clad youth, Texas Senator and presidential hopeful Ted Cruz said Wednesday that he never has, nor never will, set foot in or near either of America’s oceans.
Prosperity and joy were felt around the world this morning after God, creator of the heavens and the earth, remembered his cell phone passcode following a multi-millennia lockout.
According to UW zoologist Kay Steppenhoef, UW-Madison’s beloved mascot, Buckingham U. Badger, may not be an actual badger.
Let’s consider slutty brownies for a moment; craveable cookie dough on the bottom, warm and gooey brownie on the top, with a layer of still-crunchy oreos in between—a combination so unforgivingly delicious it makes people feel guilty about enjoying it.
Late Friday night, Joaquín Guzmán, aka “El Chapo” drew his third consecutive get out of jail free card in a heated game of Monopoly, to the outrage of his opponents.
UW-Madison sophomore Dean Strutterman was pleasantly surprised Friday night upon discovering three Facebook friends had “liked” that he expressed interest in attending an event.
Citing her frequent eye contact and flirtatious smile, UW-Madison freshman Chris Coleman told friends today that he’s pretty sure his political science TA has a thing for him.
Kangaroos at a glance
January 3rd, 2008: Riveting race for Iowa caucus
Local 12-year-old Eli Gardner asked a mall Santa Claus if he could receive puberty for Christmas this year.
This week we’re talking about dormcest. It’s way less creepy than incest, but there is also less famous literature about it (“As I Lay Dying,” anyone?). When bunches of young adults looking to “find themselves” are crammed in the same living space for nine months, dormcest becomes inevitable. Context clues probably make this obvious, but “dormcest” is a made up term (not by me, by someone who is not me) that refers to the hooking up of individuals who inhabit the same university dormitory (in the biggest dorms, the term “floorcest” is more fitting). As budding young freshmen taking on campus for the first time, more than one of us most likely dreamed of meeting a special someone in our dorm or on our floor. It’s hard not to fantasize about the convenience and charm that would come with casually running into a cutie pie whilst wrapped in a towel (*gasp* so embarrassing and unintentional, *wink, wink, giggle, giggle*), or exchanging glances while studying in the den. But, what started as flirting and fun can sometimes transform into constant avoidance and hurt feelings. There is no reason not to get jiggy with fellow dorm dwellers, but there are a few tricks of the trade to help avoid turning dorms into walk-in skeleton closets.
Are you a syllabus week champion capable of getting five squares in a row, column or diagonal? If you succeed, contact The Daily Cardinal to receive your prize! (Don't actually do that, there is no prize. Apart from contentment, which is the greatest prize of all.)
Hopefully Thanksgiving break left us feeling thankful for at least a couple of things. A loving family, good friends and no unwanted pregnancies topped my list this year. Considering the fact that according to the Guttmacher Institute 51 percent of U.S. pregnancies are unplanned, it’s no joke to be thankful for being baby-free. While there are tons of methods out there to prevent pregnancy, there are some that are more suited to collegiate life than others.
While being home for the holidays might temporarily relieve some academic pressure, it can cause a buildup of sexual tension. Something about high caloric foods and having a little free time lowers inhibitions and brings back those urges that midterms suppressed for too long.
We are fast approaching that warm and fuzzy time of year that brings with it the urge to curl up with a big ol’ bowl of Chex Mix and a love bug. Something about sweaters and commercial holidays leads people to want to pair off and find some mistletoe to snog under, but with the smorgasbord of sweet thangs our campus has to offer, deciding who to hit up can be intimidating.
1105—Rabbi Nathan ben Yehiel of Rome completes the Talmudic dictionary. He immediately begins work on the Talmudic thesaurus.
Although his childhood and adolescence consisted of absolutely no burden for taking care of himself, UW-Madison sophomore Jackson Ripley mustered the motivation to rinse his dirty plate in the sink and then place it into the dishwasher at his 606 Equinox apartment.