Wisconsin gets back on track with drawn-out win over the Illini
No. 19 Wisconsin (1-2 Big Ten, 9-4 overall) walked away with a victory in its Big Ten home opener against No. 7 Illinois (2-1, 11-3) Wednesday, winning 25-16, 25-21, 21-25 and 25-22.
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No. 19 Wisconsin (1-2 Big Ten, 9-4 overall) walked away with a victory in its Big Ten home opener against No. 7 Illinois (2-1, 11-3) Wednesday, winning 25-16, 25-21, 21-25 and 25-22.
So… This is my last article for The Daily Cardinal. Ever. After this one you will no longer see By: Michael Voloshin in this new publication. No, I’m going off to do bigger and better things (or at least relatively the same). So I thought for this last article, we could rehash the memories. Let’s look at some of my favorite articles, lines and comments through the years, with one of my favorite shticks: an award show!
Three decades into playing a significant role in the rise of experimental indie rock, Yo La Tengo has still not tired of making good music. The trio of Ira Kaplan, Georgia Hubley and James McNew have found success once again on their 13th album, Fade, out this past January, with a deluxe version released in November.
Hi everyone, I’m feeling under the weather today, so instead of writing a whole article about things, people and ideas I hate, I thought we could just you know, talk. Like, one-on-one. Me and you, the reader.
Orson Scott Card is most definitely a douchebag. His hateful speech toward gay people and gay marriage is one of the most disappointing things I’ve seen as a fan.
[Ironic applause]
On Dec. 22, 2013, I will be walking down the aisle in the Kohl Center wearing a sort of dress, shaking hands, smiling for pictures and mostly just being happy for being done. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved my three and a half years here at the university, but when the finish line is so close, it’s tough not to salivate at the chance to cross it.
As you will recall if you read Page Two week to week, semester to semester, a columnist named Adam Wolf and I shared the page each Wednesday last year. While I tried to change my subject matter week to week with interesting and funny observations about life and media, Adam had a consistent set up in which he could write his article in 15 minutes and reap all the rewards that a successful Page Two columnist deserves: girls, money, fame, delusion. Now that Adam is presumably dead or graduated, I thought I would write my tribute to him and his infallible column. This is my Wednesday Morning Hangover.
Justin Timberlake’s album, 20/20 Experience, was a critical success and return to form for one of pop music’s premier entertainers. JT’s album did well with critics, long-time fans, teenage girls, twenty-something women, older women, really older women and Elliot, who hates everything. But there was one group of people who loved the album and surprised everyone else, and that was the hipsters.
I was recently lucky enough to spend this last weekend in Columbus for the Wisconsin-Ohio State football game. I was also blessed (read: not blessed) to have spent eight hours in the car on the way there and eight hours in the car on the way back. Lucky for you, I wrote down a precise, minute-by-minute description of what I was thinking during the trip, just for your entertainment. Enjoy.
Let’s play a fun game. It’s guess who has more Twitter followers. Simple, right? Let’s begin. First off, Aaron Paul of “Breaking Bad” versus YouTuber PewDiePie. If you guessed the Internet guy, then you’d be right. Alright, how about adorable munchkin Ellen Page vs. YouTube celebrity iJustine? iJustine has three times as many followers.
Aug. 26, 2013, the day after the MTV Video Music Awards, CNN.com decided to have a story about Miley Cyrus’ twerking over the outcry in Syria. Sept. 1, 2013, the day after the final roster cuts in the NFL, ESPN’s “First Take” decided to start its show about the cut of embattled quarterback Tim Tebow. Every day of the week, Buzzfeed.com runs articles about Zac Efron’s abs.
How much do you know about the Insane Clown Posse? Like actually really know.
I love the NFL Draft. Seeing 22-year-olds get picked up by teams hoping to be the next Brian Urlacher or Peyton Manning, when they could as easily be the next Akili Smith or Tony Mandarich. Hell, I love any kind of sports draft; NBA, MLB, MLS, Fantasy, I even watched the 2010 WNBA Draft because I wanted to know which NBA pro Tina Charles matched up with. I think what is so tantalizing about these over-hyped, never-remembered events is the prospect of potential.
Jumanji is still the scariest movie I’ve ever seen, which is weird to say because I feel like no movie featuring Robin Williams should invoke fear (even you, One Hour Photo). I always try to re-engage myself into the movie, but every time I start, I get scared like the five-year-old I was when I first experienced the horror that includes giant mosquitos, stampedes and Kirsten Dunst’s attempt at acting. It’s because of this movie and other events I’d like to invoke a new phrase into our collective dictionaries: nostalgic remission.
Alright readers (mom and her co-workers who grin at her when she forces them to read my articles), I’ve decided to change my whole shtick of being a “comedic writer” and focus on something important: advice. As you all (all five of you, that is) know, I have given you advice on band names, gaining Twitter followers and how to oppose the communist agenda; but now it’s my full-time gig. Please send me your emails. Oh, here’s one:
What makes us laugh? Woah, woah, that’s a loaded question. Let’s start from the beginning. Actually no, just kidding, that is the beginning. There seems to be a few theories as to why we find things humorous, and many come from the most overrated and most overquoted psychologist, Sigmund Freud (I’m a closet Jungian).
Twitter is fun. It’s a mindless way to pass the time by reading about what your favorite celebrities ate for breakfast or which politicians my friends despise. But sometimes I don’t care what other people have to say because what I have to say is much more important. Sadly, I don’t have enough followers yet. Never fear, self (and those who read this); I have a foolproof plan for you to gain Twitter followers in a snap, crackle and pop.
Warning: If you do not like the indie music scene, then you might not understand my article. Hell, who I am kidding, I could write about puppies and tic-tac-toe and no one would understand my articles.
When I was younger, my hero wasn’t a sports figure, or an actor, or a family member; my hero was Bugs Bunny. He was funny, witty and above all else, a trickster.