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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Friday, May 27, 2022
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McDonald’s worker hands a dismayed woman the portion of a vanilla cone they are equipped to produce.

Returning students hope renovations to Regent Street McDonald’s included functioning ice cream machine

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

As summer draws to a close, students look forward to all that comes with the fall at UW-Madison: reuniting with old friends, starting new classes and jumping around at Camp Randall. But even among the best traditions, it seems that Badgers are yearning for something a bit more out of this semester. Ergo, a certain ice cream machine at 1102 Regent Street will be put to the ultimate test. 

UW-Madison students’ beloved neighborhood McDonald’s underwent a few months of construction that started last spring. Since it has been up and running for the past few weeks, passerbyers have admired its new modern and chic exterior. But a pretty face won’t be enough to win over the Badgers. After years and years of the same excuse, “our ice cream machine is broken,” some are skeptical that McDonald’s has simply put on a façade in order to distract from their disappointing ice cream circumstances. 

A few despondent voices illustrate the gravity of the situation by sharing “I didn’t know wanting ice cream with my fries was such a pipe dream,” “I could never imagine actually being able to participate in the $1 ice cream cone deal, but it’s a nice thought I guess,” and “the let down never gets easier, especially when I’m blackout drunk.” 

Though most believe that a working ice cream machine is a feat that the company could never overcome, many speculate the possibility of reparation brought about by the renovations.“I hope they installed some sort of military-grade machine to make the McFlurry’s,” one student ventured. “I would feel like such a fool if they improved every other already-functioning part of the restaurant,” another commented. 

While it remains uncertain whether or not Regent Street Mcdonald’s will make amends with UW-Madison students, one thing is for sure: as the leaves fall this coming season, Badgers are no longer capable of handling yet another “McBummer.”

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