almanac

ISIS Claims Responsibility for the 45 Minute Delay of a Flight from Denver to Raleigh

Airport in Istanbul, Turkey ( Atatürk Airport )

The nation was shocked today when they heard that ISIS claimed responsibility for the 45 minute flight delay of United Airlines flight 357. Departing from Denver International Airport at 9;35 A.M, the flight was scheduled to take off when all of a sudden, the unimaginable occured- the flight was delayed.

Such shocking revelations soon became even more haunting when ISIS released a statement in an online video.

“Just when you thought you defeated us, we’re back,” Abu Rashid-Ahmad said, the terrorists organizations new leader. “You haven’t stopped us yet. This delay will be one of many airport time inconveniences to slightly slow down Americans’ traveling,” he added. 

In a statement made earlier this evening, President Donald Trump addressed the terrified nation.

“These senseless acts will not go unnoticed. We will bomb the shit out of these people and kill ISIS again. I’m the best at killing terrorists. I was actually the one who killed Bin Laden, not Obama. The Democrats are actually really terrible at killing terrorists. We’re doing a better job of it, believe me,” he noted while eating a fresh bucket of fried chicken. 

Homeland Security announced it would look into the ruthless delay of flight 357 to Raleigh with full force. Such disheartening acts of terror have caused the international community to strengthen its efforts to combat international terrorism, the European Union already standing in solidarity with the mourning United States. 

In such dangerous times, we can only hope and pray that ISIS doesn’t slightly delay any flights, and that more innocent Americans won’t have to sit patiently for a certain amount of time in a motionless airplane. With ISIS being able to somehow delay a flight 45 minutes, it is inevitable that they could make other Americans wait just as long, if not longer, due to transportation inconveniences.

Almanac is our home for satire, sex, creative writing and much more. Satirical articles are intended as such.

Comments powered by Disqus

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Cardinal.