My sister is having her second baby, and of course my whole family is excited! But I also want to make sure her first child--the new big sister--doesn’t feel left out. My niece is four, so she’s definitely used to being the only child! How can we help transition her into sisterhood and also let her know that she is just as loved as ever? Do the experts have any advice?
We sure do! Making sure older children adjust to their new siblings is an age-old worry for parents (and, apparently, aunts and uncles)!
Kids around your niece’s age have better coping skills, and she well may be able to understand what it means to have a new baby in the house. Talk to her as you would any intelligent adult. As she adjusts to having a new baby in the house, help her develop the skills to handle it. For instance, if the baby gets into her toys, help her put away her most special ones in a place “just for big kids.” There are some great books for big brothers and sisters out there as well, like Julius, the Baby of the World, by Kevin Henkes, or Babies Don’t Eat Pizza, by Dianne Danzig. These are kids’ books about dealing with new siblings--so your niece will realize that there are other kids out there dealing with the same changes.
The new baby’s birthday is a big day for parents, but also for new siblings! When you go to the hospital to meet your new niece or nephew for the first time, bring along a little present for the new big sis as well. Gifts that provide activities for the new sibling are extra helpful, since they give him or her a task that can take up some time. Additionally, the customizers behind Target registry tell us that your sister can include presents for the new big sis in the registry.
This may be a great new chapter for you and your niece. Give her some one-on-one time. If you’re running errands, invite her along! If you’re babysitting for your sister, ask your niece for advice about the new baby. What are the baby’s favorite stories? What pair of pajamas should you put on? Can she help you change the diaper? Reinforce that your niece has moved into the coveted category of “big kid.” If your niece has a flair for dramatics (singing, dancing, plays), the baby will make a great audience for her. So come up with plays together, and then do them for the baby.
If your niece does have a hard time adjusting, don’t scold: acknowledge her feelings and help her talk them out. Encourage her to articulate them. If she is ignoring the baby, that’s alright. Lots of new siblings cope by ignoring the baby for a while. She’ll come around in due time.
“What strange creatures brothers are!” -- Jane Austen
