Congresspeople everywhere have stopped trying to reopen the government, stating they’re “getting so much more ass now.”
The government recess caused many to be out of work, allowing late nights in Washington bars and day-drinking through the capital.
The time off also gave the senators and representatives enough time to explore their Twitter feeds, and what they found shocked them.
Congressmen, not known for creativity, have been relieved by the Internet community’s response to the shutdown.
“We thought the public would be pissed,” said U.S. Sen. Bob Menedez, D-NJ. “But they’ve been a huge help. As soon as I tell women, ‘Congress may be shut down, but there’s always a caucus at my house,’ their panties be droppin’.”
Menedez says the Twitter hashtag advertising the pick-up lines has improved his sex life fourscore. He says he will do everything in his power to keep the government shut down.
Senators have stated their new favorite places to get it on include the archives of the Library of Congress and the Abraham Lincoln Memorial, which are currently unguarded.
Local government employees agree with the pledge to keep the shutdown going indefinitely. A Wisconsin passport distributor said he, “would rather be furloughed from pay than give up using ‘My government pulls out, but I don’t.’”
Legislators everywhere ask Tweeters continue their contributions to the cause, although the website they set up cannot run without government funds.
