Big Ten official Gene Steratore was vaporized into a heap of smoldering ashes Sunday afternoon after making direct eye contact with Wisconsin head coach Bo Ryan’s death stare.
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A recent study from the American Lung Cancer Association reveals 87 percent of lung cancer patients are smokers and, consequently, also badasses.
In an unsettling revelation for friends, family, classmates and administration alike, UW-Madison junior Lane Laiman, 21, who was thought to be studying abroad for the semester in Spain, was spotted Monday afternoon—bearded and pant-less—rooting around a local wooded area with a large stick in hand.
Madison Mayor Paul Soglin responded to continued protests over the shooting of Tony Robinson in a Tuesday morning press conference.
After the release of their debut album Shrines in 2012, the Canadian electro-pop duo Purity Ring spent three highly anticipated years expanding their sound before issuing their sophomore LP another eternity.
With his newly acquired hindsight, and sight altogether, 27-year-old Madisonian Harrison Montag is relatively satisfied with his decision to keep his right eyelids open for the duration of a sneeze Monday.
Following yet another major knee injury, Chicago Bulls star guard Derrick Rose has elected to undergo an experimental procedure in which both of his knees will be completely removed.
UW-Madison Junior Lawrence Adamson was kicked, punched and spit on by five fellow classmates from the resultant irritation he caused them by bringing a disposable water bottle to an environmental conservation lecture Monday night.
Coming to a halt in the middle of the dairy aisle and reviewing her options, local psychopath Betsy Hudson, 45, opted for bagged milk as opposed to the logically sound and psychologically stable choices of milk by jug or carton.
A recessive gene was reportedly “fed up” with being in the shadow of its brother the dominant gene.
Members of the Madison Mallards baseball team of the Northwoods League have been neglecting most of their traditional offseason activities to spend copious hours playing the hit duck trivia mobile app called Trivia Quack.
In a partly horrifying, partly impressive discovery Wednesday afternoon, Wisconsin Athletic Director Barry Alvarez walked in on newly hired head football coach Paul Chryst in the middle of his office constructing a vast fort out of chewing tobacco tins and personal spitters.
The ghost of economist Edwin Witte broke the chains of death and made an appearance in Witte Residence Hall Friday night.
Local short woman and UW-Madison sophomore Sarah Cander discovered a sense of immense delight and contentment upon finally finding a use for her diminutive stature as an armrest.
These days, what is a bluegrass band supposed to do? It's not like Appalachia's been silent these past few years; while record labels clamor for indie-pop bands fielding banjos and the like, Punch Brothers alumni and their contemporaries have been hard at work with a steady stream of albums that pump soul into that bluegrass heart. Yet, that doesn't seem to be enough for the Punch Brothers. The Phosphorescent Blues, their latest album, carves through its traditional binds for something more—some kind of sense beyond that traditional novelty.
The recent attack of satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo at the hands of religious fanatics has sent many into a frenzy extolling the merits of a free press. That so many of us regard the right to an open press as a fundamental tenet of society has been laid bare in our incredulity at those who would extinguish the torch of free expression and dictate the parameters of permissible thought. In their march through Paris in the wake of the attack, a myriad of the world’s leaders affirmed that those who value liberty over tyranny would not submit to the demands of terrorists.
Citing mental anguish, leading to deep, widespread physical pain, as well as “spiritual devastation,” Oshkosh, Wisconsin resident-drunk Thomas Giles, 42, has reported to local media that he is ‘Questionable’ for getting absolutely shit-housed during Sunday’s NFL finale.
In a pleasant personal revelation for Green Bay Packers quarterback and MVP frontrunner Aaron Rodgers, upon arriving home after a 28-22 overtime loss in the NFC Title Game to the Seattle Seahawks, he caught site of celebrity girlfriend Olivia Munn and instantly registered that advancing to the Super Bowl is utterly irrelevant.
Gov. Scott Walker launched a 527 leadership organization Tuesday, which would allow him to spend virtually unlimited money on what many predict will be a 2016 bid for the Oval Office.