After centuries of observing human culture, the Martian Executive Board declared it was time Mars enter the 450,000,000 Century and run an up-to-date Spacebook page.
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As a result of human-induced climate change, hordes of tasty Swedish Fish are now melting and perishing during their natural spring transatlantic migration from their breeding grounds in Scandinavian fjords to North American factory farms, a Stockholm University study reports.
The University of North Carolina student tasked with completing the basketball team’s schoolwork was unable to watch the Tar Heels take on Arkansas Saturday.
In 1980 a gallon of gas cost $1.08, a dozen eggs were priced at 89 cents and, according to Mike McCabe, former head of the Wisconsin Democracy Campaign, a state Senate candidate needed to raise $40,000 to be competitive in an election.
In a decision made mostly by family members, ESPN college basketball analyst and personality Dick Vitale has begun wearing his patented "Dandy Diaper" at all times in an effort to manage the incessant uncontrollable defecation he now experiences because of his age.
Political leaders in Washington are just as excited about March Madness as the rest of the country; elected officials recently came together despite an intensely divided Congress to organize a high stakes bracket pool that pits the parties against each other in friendly competition.
Big Ten official Gene Steratore was vaporized into a heap of smoldering ashes Sunday afternoon after making direct eye contact with Wisconsin head coach Bo Ryan’s death stare.
A recent study from the American Lung Cancer Association reveals 87 percent of lung cancer patients are smokers and, consequently, also badasses.
In an unsettling revelation for friends, family, classmates and administration alike, UW-Madison junior Lane Laiman, 21, who was thought to be studying abroad for the semester in Spain, was spotted Monday afternoon—bearded and pant-less—rooting around a local wooded area with a large stick in hand.
Madison Mayor Paul Soglin responded to continued protests over the shooting of Tony Robinson in a Tuesday morning press conference.
After the release of their debut album Shrines in 2012, the Canadian electro-pop duo Purity Ring spent three highly anticipated years expanding their sound before issuing their sophomore LP another eternity.
With his newly acquired hindsight, and sight altogether, 27-year-old Madisonian Harrison Montag is relatively satisfied with his decision to keep his right eyelids open for the duration of a sneeze Monday.
Following yet another major knee injury, Chicago Bulls star guard Derrick Rose has elected to undergo an experimental procedure in which both of his knees will be completely removed.
UW-Madison Junior Lawrence Adamson was kicked, punched and spit on by five fellow classmates from the resultant irritation he caused them by bringing a disposable water bottle to an environmental conservation lecture Monday night.
Coming to a halt in the middle of the dairy aisle and reviewing her options, local psychopath Betsy Hudson, 45, opted for bagged milk as opposed to the logically sound and psychologically stable choices of milk by jug or carton.
A recessive gene was reportedly “fed up” with being in the shadow of its brother the dominant gene.
Members of the Madison Mallards baseball team of the Northwoods League have been neglecting most of their traditional offseason activities to spend copious hours playing the hit duck trivia mobile app called Trivia Quack.
In a partly horrifying, partly impressive discovery Wednesday afternoon, Wisconsin Athletic Director Barry Alvarez walked in on newly hired head football coach Paul Chryst in the middle of his office constructing a vast fort out of chewing tobacco tins and personal spitters.
The ghost of economist Edwin Witte broke the chains of death and made an appearance in Witte Residence Hall Friday night.