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Hipster artist Luke Johnson renounced the physical realm late Monday evening, resulting in a massive plummet in sales for the offbeat painter in large part due to his signature blank paintings.Johnson, a recluse, believed the physical realm was simply too clichéd for his artistic gift and shackled him to the limitations of the senses.
Now that November—also known as hemorrhoids awareness month—has begun, thousands of UW-Madison students took to the streets in protest of rigid policy stocking university buildings with one-ply toilet paper.While the university has attempted to sweep the issue under the rug, Badgers have refused to take no for an answer and the issue has begun to develop a national following.
Just as chameleons are able to blend in with their habitat to hide from predators, local man Jason Bower has developed the ability to be fully camouflaged in any environment.To achieve the elusiveness he covets, Bower dons a specially designed outfit with a distinct pattern that universally fits right in with any surrounding backdrop.
A glimpse of UW-Madison’s toilet paper atrocity. It is plentiful in supply, but low in number of plies.
Bernie Sanders tops a list of shocking and controversial costume ideas for Halloween 2015, beating out Sexy Hillary, Sexy Caitlyn Jenner and Sexy European Refugee for the top spot among college students.Mr. Sander’s “socialist” designation and leftist policy proposals have been considered far outside the norm for American politics, leaving many average Americans confused and appalled as the costume choice continues to gain support over its rivals.“Every year these costumes get more and more over the top,” claims local dad Mark Frimpy.
A confused ghost rose from his ethereal resting place as the clock struck midnight to voice his opinion on the insensitive portrayal of ghosts during this time of the year.“You know, we as ghosts are a misunderstood bunch with many different pre-death backgrounds.
Mostly due to increased policing, Freakfest has become rather subdued and almost exclusively stab-free in recent years. As a result, local man Darrell Fingus has vowed to skip the annual event until he feels that his once-sufficient chances of being stabbed have been restored.
The Board of Regents’ sixth-annual bake sale was a smash hit last weekend. Drawing off the energetic homecoming crowds, the Regents were able to sell over $200 worth of brownies, cookies, bars and other delicious treats.“In a time marred by plummeting state funding and increasing enrollment rates, it falls upon us as board members to make sure that this institution stays afloat,” Board President Regina Millner said.The Regents spent much of the week leading up to the sale perfecting their recipes and making colorful signs to raise awareness for their fundraising cause.
This Wednesday, Matt Johnson of Madison proved the effectiveness of his catcalls when courting women. Johnson spent his afternoon meowing on State Street attempting to attract a female using his courting prowess; after just a few hours, one woman accepted his advances.
A team of Wisconsin scientists recently came closer to uncovering the elusive process by which nacre, more commonly known as mother-of-pearl, is created in nature.