If I added up the alarmingly significant number of hours of my life I’ve wasted on Facebook recently, I can guarantee a healthy chunk of these hours was dedicated to seeing the same old, goddamn repetitive pictures.
Below, I have compiled just a fraction of these types of pictures that leave me bored, unimpressed and often frustrated.
The Kissy Face
This is that trademark “pucker” that you see most girls—and in some cases guys—doing in order to give the impression that they’re in with the trendy “suck my face in” look. I would challenge the general population of sorority girls and jersey chasers to do a little experiment: take the number of pictures you have in which you’re throwin’ up the Kissy Face. Take that number and divide it by your total number of Facebook pictures. The result is what I call your “Kissy Face ratio.” In my opinion, if it is at or near .25, you’ve got some serious work to do in the facial expression department, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see numbers reaching upward of .95.
The Beer Tower
We’re all VERY impressed at the amount of Milwaukee’s Best everyone has slammed down their throats at “that party,” and at the fact that someone in the group had the bright idea to stack the cans and tag everyone in the pile. Until I see one in the form of the Washington Monument or Caesar’s Palace, though this overused photo just leaves a stale taste of warm, lackluster beer in my mouth.
Sketched on Drunk Kid
I’ll admit I thought this concept was the bee’s knees for quite some time. In my new-found sophomore maturity, I feel like everyone has fallen victim to this predictable stunt at least a few times in their college career, and, therefore, it’s really not all that entertaining of a photo. It’s basically like being at the Grand Canyon, feeling the cool breeze on your face as you look over it, and then later seeing a photo and not being in any way as awestruck as the experience itself. Lame!
The Shirtless Mirror Shot
When I come across photos like this, I wonder why this kid is even on my friends list to begin with; and, unfortunately, I see A LOT of these downright disturbing photos in any given week. If you’re prancing around in your bathroom with your cell-phone camera, shutter-shades and your newest hip tattoo, you’re probably a sock sniffer. For those of you who don’t know what a sock sniffer is, Bill O’Reilly is a well-known common-day sock sniffer. I would say that the “Shirtless Mirror Shot” is much less frequently observed than the “Kissy Face,” but is a much more severe indicator of rampant insecurity and loneliness.
The Peace Sign
People might feel the “Peace Sign” is a great thing to include in a picture, I mean, peace is great, isn’t it? Wrong. If archaeologists of some future race began digging up earth from our time, I guarantee they would think that with the amount of peace signs being thrown up in youths’ photos, it was some strange cultish or religious law to stick the index and middle finger up in almost every situation. Puking over the side of the deck? Perfect. Throw up a peace sign. Eating a chicken sandwich? Perfect. Throw up another one. Here’s a trick: Tape the two fingers together for a night of partying and see how frustrated it will make you. It will be a stark reminder of your dependence on the “Peace Sign” to remain photogenic.
Share your Facebook annoyances with Andrew at aplahr@wisc.edu.
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