VILAS PARK—Despite tornado warnings and driving rain Friday, The Daily Cardinal clinched its sixth-consecutive softball victory over The Badger Herald 16-15. On the waterlogged field, the Herald Muckrakers attempted to avenge the Dirty Birds’ campus coverage supremacy, but failed in its final inning at bat.
The Cardinal initially toyed with the Herald, allowing a 0-6 deficit after the first inning in a newfangled strategy to inspire a greater effort than usually exhibited by the listless Herald.
“In the spirit of having a competitive atmosphere, we decided it just made sense to grant them an early lead and prevent their self-esteem from plummeting right off the bat,” DC sports editor Ryan Reszel said while wiping mud and grass tufts from his hair.
“Sure, we could’ve just run up the score like we usually do,” DC Sports Editor Nate Carey said, “but they usually mope around, complain and try to change the rules.”
However, in a cruel turnaround, the Cardinal released an offensive barrage in the second inning, rendering the already deficient Herald fielders confused, distraught and on the verge of tears.
“I hates them!” complained Herald writer Ben Voelkel as he defiantly crossed his arms and sat on home plate, demanding a do-over after the Cardinal cruised to a 16-8 lead going into the seventh inning.
The Cardinal granted the Herald another seven runs in the top of the seventh, taking pity on Voelkel and “urban correspondent” Bassey Etim—who looked bewildered participating in an American pastime on American soil, repeatedly requesting to be goalie and asking when the riot would start.
“Ultimately, it was a good thing for them that we were the home team and didn’t get to bat last, as we had decided weeks in advance to score 116 runs in the seventh in honor of our 116 years as UW-Madison’s leading independent student newspaper,” DC editor in chief Jill Klosterman said.
“That would’ve made the score 132-15, which obviously reflects the story of the game better than the actual outcome,” DC managing editor Jamie McMahon added, “but we didn’t want to injure the Herald’s fragile esteem beyond repair.”
