Today’s movie landscape of kids’ flicks and thrillers is quite bleak. What’s that, you say? There’s a comedy starring the ever-likeable Owen Wilson? And it’s co-written by “Superbad’s” Seth Rogen? And it’s produced by Judd Apatow, the mastermind behind gems “The 40 Year Old Virgin” and “Knocked Up”? Unfortunately there is, and its name is “Drillbit Taylor.”
Sadly, “Drillbit” disappoints despite this promising lineup. Owen Wilson stars as a homeless army deserter named Drillbit Taylor, who dupes three nerdy high school freshmen (chubby smart-aleck Ryan, skinny dork Wade and the squeaky pocket-sized Emmit) into thinking that he is a professional bodyguard. The kids hire him to protect them from a bully (the icy Filkins) bent on making their lives miserable.
Everything goes well at first: Drillbit poses as a substitute teacher, gains the affection of an English teacher (played by Leslie Mann) and successfully protects his new little friends. Would you then believe that the truth about Drillbit comes out, and he has to clean up the mess he made and keep his promise to protect the kids?
The predictable plot would be forgivable if the laughs kept coming, but they dry up shortly after the “everything goes well at first” montage. Although likeable, Ryan, Wade and Emmit are basically tamer versions of Superbad’s Seth, Evan and Fogell (right down to the opening phone conversation, replacing talk of college with high school). Wilson slouches through his portrayal of what should be a wacky character, spewing catchphrases that do not catch on and jokes that fall flat. He is unconvincing as a bum, looking more like Brad Pitt going grocery shopping than a panhandler who showers on the beach.
“Drillbit” makes several stretches, but the biggest one is the film’s premise. In today’s hypersensitive culture, are we really supposed to believe that these kids have no other options to escape bullies? The principal dismisses the charges once the bully denies them and even the kids’ own parents do not believe them. These days bullies cannot chase kids with cars, harass them in the bathroom, punch them around on campus or threaten them with a samurai sword in rich suburbia without serious consequences.
With such strong comedic talents such as Rogen and Apatow behind the film, it is impossible for the film to be completely bad. The casting is impeccable; the kids actually look like high school students and the bully looks seriously creepy yet troubled. Various jokes work. For instance when a man gives Drillbit a dollar and writes “not for pot” on it, saying, “You’ll feel pretty stupid buying pot with that now, won’t you?” These jokes are not enough, making the viewer check their watch not laugh.
The plot limps along without the comedy it needs to sustain interest. The whole film seems rather lazily thrown together, with stock characters and overextended storylines. While predictable and unrealistic, “Drillbit Taylor’s” worst crime is being a boring time-waster when it should be an enjoyable distraction.
