Next summer, I’m going on vacation with my friends from here at school. It’s a long ways off, but I’m already stressing about it, and here’s why: my mother is going to drive me nuts.
No, my mother is not going on this vacation with my college friends (that would be weird). But I’ve been on vacation without my dear mother before, and she does not handle it well. She wants constant updates. She’s worried about my safety one moment, and the next she wants pictures of whatever I’m seeing, so that she can “share the experience.” One way or the other, she finds a reason to text or call me practically constantly. I don’t want her to ruin this vacation too, but I also don’t want to cut her off or really upset her. How can I handle this? Help!
It’s a shame that your mother seems unable to let you enjoy a vacation. Vacations are supposed to help you relax and recuperate (and studies show that they do--though no study has yet accounted for the impact of your mother!). Your mother’s constant fretting and pestering seems like a real problem.
Might there be a way to keep your mother informed of your whereabouts without needing to speak to her so often? The tourism developers at the Henry County, Georgia tourism office told us that tourism bureaus pay close attention to how tourists use social media on their trips, and that apps like Instagram are hugely popular ways to keep others up-to-date on your vacation adventures. Your mother (and all the other people who may be interested) could follow you on a social media app like this, which you could update frequently (but at your leisure).
There are other ways to make your mother feel like a part of the vacation. An old-fashioned post card might be nice, or you could update that tradition by using a service that puts a personalized photo on a postcard. Snail mail isn’t going to keep your mother up-to-date while you’re away, but a postcard or a souvenir gift might help remind her that you think of her even when she’s away--and that reassurance might help her get over her apparent need to be in constant contact.
Unfortunately, your mother’s behavior sounds a little extreme, and it may not be something that you can solve with solutions as rational as the ones above. Ultimately, you may have to sit down with your mother and talk through this. You’re absolutely right to note that cutting off your mother entirely is probably a bad idea, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t tactfully raise the issue. Your mother may need to work this out on her own--though there are still some things you can do to deal with her. Lifestyle coaches suggest setting boundaries with overbearing friends and relatives, and sticking to them. Perhaps you can tell your mother that you’ll text her at the end of each day to assure her you’re safe and that she can get her photo updates on social media. If you stick to your guns, you’ll establish a new normal that will help both you and your mother.
“After all, the best part of a holiday is perhaps not so much to be resting yourself, as to see all the other fellows busy working.” -- Kenneth Grahame, The Wind in the Willows
