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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, April 23, 2024
sad man

Although Tinder has served as an impromptu matchmaker, it has not served all adequately.

Junior male seeks counseling after Tinder match said she “isn’t looking for anything that serious”

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

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Tinder, a dating application where users can swipe right or left depending on their preferences in partners, is a wholesome and magical way for young adults looking for love to find their soulmate. However, this matchmaking service recently took a turn for the worse. 

Johnny Johnson, a University of Wisconsin junior, is now seeing a mental health adviser after having a traumatic experience with the app. 

Johnson, who has been a heavy user of the dating site for nearly two years, vows to never again use the site due to this experience.

“We got matched, so I started chatting her up. I was being very kind and respectful, I didn’t even use a pick up line or anything. All of a sudden, before I can ask her about her relationship with God or if she shuts off the faucet when brushing her teeth, she hit me with it. She said that she wasn’t ‘looking for anything serious’ and only wanted a ‘good ole’ one night stand.’ I was appalled. How dare she come onto me like that?”

So upset, Johnson decided to reach out to Tinder’s creator, Seand Noodes. 

“I am equally appalled by this situation. This app was not created for women to force their independence and sexuality upon men and pressure them into sexual acts. This is a love-building app, not for estrogen-fueled predators to stalk their prey,” said Noodes when talking to Johnson’s lawyers. 

While no legal action can be taken against the young woman in question, Tinder’s management says that changes will be made to the app to ensure that this never happens again. 

“We care deeply for the comfort and safety of all users,” said Noodes, “and we will do anything in our power to make sure these standards are provided.”

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