Mother Nature coordinates with professors, rains during exams

This past week, a large number of UW-Madison students faced multiple daunting midterms, projects and other highly weighted assignments. These students were often overheard saying things like, “You know, I bet my professors all schemed to put my exams in the same week,” and things of that nature. While this may or may not be true, Mother Nature was certainly in on the strategy. Investigations into Father Time’s text message transcripts revealed that Mother Nature did in fact coordinate with UW-Madison professors to maximize the amount of rain and cold the students would have to face during one of the roughest exam periods of the semester.
“I don’t really find it very humorous that on the same week I have four exams, Mother Nature decides to bring the temperature down to the upper 30s and makes it rain every day,” said local business student, Tom Beier.
This sentiment was shared by many across campus who trudged through the sleet to their midterms and presentations, and a large outcry arose even from those who didn’t have tests to take. Philosophy student Aaron Stoll remarked that he was “pretty sick of not seeing the sun, and would really like Wisconsin to make up its mind and pick a season.”
Consequently, a petition was started this past Thursday by students of the Department of Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences, who have the biggest beef with Mother Nature, and already reached its goal of 1,000 signatures, the benchmark necessary to appear on Chancellor Rebecca Blank’s desk. As it hit the signature requirement, Blank was required to hold a meeting with the university faculty to discuss their scheduling habits.
Following Sunday’s meeting, Professor Gary Fieldsman admitted to the collusion. The professor stated, “Of course I agreed to it. We were trying to make the exam environment as competitive as possible, so Mother Nature making the students come into the testing room soaking wet, cold and defeated seemed like a very good way to separate those who could truly focus from those who couldn’t. The curve would be pretty easy that way too.” Away from the microphone, Fieldsman was also recorded saying, “What do I care about the weather anyway? My TAs administer the exam, I can stay home,” and is facing severe social media backlash from these comments.
Mother Nature could not be reached for comment.

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