I am gay. Three of the hardest words any person can think, feel or even say. Three words that start a journey, adventure and never-ending marathon. Three words that I have said before.
Coming out is not an easy journey, and I want to start by saying that. But, it is also YOUR journey, it’s something that YOU control, and nobody else. For me, my journey started in college, freshman year.
In the beginning, it was easier for me not to tell anyone. No drama. No questions. No nothing. Then, it came to the point where I would sit in lecture halls and, for entire classes, thought about nothing but the fact that I had this huge secret, this thing that literally only I knew and nobody else. For me, that’s how I knew I needed to start.
This moment comes at different times for different people. Some are ready in high school, some in middle school and some not until after college. Everyone’s trigger is also different. Maybe it’s seeing someone else’s journey, watching coming out videos or even listening to a specific song. Whenever the moment is right for you, you will know. But don’t let anyone force you to do it earlier than you are ready.
After I had told my freshman year floor, I felt great. So great, in fact, that I didn’t feel the need to tell anyone else. So, a year passed. Again I had this feeling. The sense that still I was hiding something. Now, it wasn’t a question of if I was ready, but if everyone else that I was friends with were ready for me to tell them.
I was so concerned that I had made all these friends, these long-lasting connections my freshman year that, if now I told all these people I was gay, the connections would be broken. That was where I went wrong. I was concerned about doing this on their agenda and not my own.
It was at this point in my life when I found an incredible group of people. The people that I hold especially dear to my heart. A group of 60 amazing and special people called the Wisconsin Alumni Student Board. It was with these people that I realized that no matter who I was, I would be fine and, if someone had a problem with that, I didn’t need them in my life. These people helped me get over one of the largest roadblocks in my journey, and still help me to this day and, for that, I owe them everything.
This is where my journey hit a wall and, honestly, that’s OK. If you hit a wall, that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. In fact, that means you are doing something right. This wall was telling my parents. Something that, on the surface, I knew would go fine, but deep down was still terrified about.
This is the part in the article where I break for a little humor because last semester my professor said that “even if you make someone laugh at you, you made someone laugh and really that’s all that matters.” And all I really want is for everyone, no matter who they are, to be happy. So, I will tell you how I came out to my parents.
It was a Wednesday night. April 20, to be specific, and I was sitting on a dock on Lake Mendota telling them when, halfway through, I was interrupted by two students asking me if it would be “chill if we can smoke next to you.” That Friday, after I told my parents, they wanted to go out to dinner. It being a Friday in Madison at 6:30 p.m., everywhere was booked. So, I had my “coming out dinner” at the Chipotle by Hilldale mall.
If there is one thing that you take from that entire experience, it’s that nothing in this journey will go perfect and if anyone tells you that it does, they are bold-faced liars. But I want you to know that it’s OK. Although nothing will go perfect, you will have people here for you. You will find a person that you can talk to whenever you need to. Someone that can help you through the lows and, more importantly, the highs of this extraordinary, terrifying and important journey.
To me, it’s only fate that the first article I ever wrote for The Daily Cardinal was titled “Move into adulthood on your own time” and my last article is now titled “Coming out on your own time.” That’s really what I hope you take away from this article. It’s your time. You decide when to start, who to tell and how to tell them. Don’t let anyone tell you that you waited too long or that you need to wait any longer. The truth is that they will never understand what you are going through unless they do it themselves. In the end, always know that there are people here for you and, when you look back on this journey, maybe you will be able to laugh and say “LOL I came out on 4/20.”
Nobody should go through this alone. If you need a person to talk to, or need help with anything don’t hesitate to contact me. You can email me at calweber18@gmail.com.
