almanac

Locksmith misplaces key to wife’s heart

Locksmith extraordinaire and aspiring romantic Gunnar Humboldt misplaced the key to his wife’s heart last night causing a rift in their relationship.

The locksmith has been married to his wife Rachel for almost 20 years thanks to the handy key. Their romance started after Gunnar used his expert locksmith skills to craft this high-quality stainless steel key to unlock the very guarded and secure heart of his now wife.

“That thing was Fort Knox lemme tell ya. I had to make six different molds before it finally clicked in,” said Gunnar, who nostalgically relived his first date with Rachel.

Cardinal reporters on the scene asked when he used it last to help locate the lost key.

“Well lemme think here. Last I remember I locked up her impenetrable heart right before I left for the annual Masterlock conference in Louisiana. I must have dropped it at the airport or something,” grunted Gunnar.

Since the world-renowned locksmith misplaced the key, his marriage has suffered greatly. In an act of desperation, Gunnar even went to a marriage counselor who had a few helpful tips to unlocking his wife’s heart.

“I mean the front door isn’t always the answer. Sometimes you can try the back door, you never know sometimes you get lucky,” advised counselor Shinichi Yamakara.

At press time Gunnar tried the marriage counselor’s advice and asked his neighbors if they had any spare keys to his wife’s well-defended heart.

Almanac is our home for satire, sex, creative writing and much more. Satirical articles are intended as such.

Comments powered by Disqus

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Cardinal.