Although he is now six semesters and three single apartments removed from University Housing, UW-Madison senior Kyle Hinckley still feels highly disadvantaged because of his freshman dorm location in UW’s Lakeshore area.
Says Hinckley on the dorm’s lasting effects, “When all the Sellery kids were out there honing their interpersonal skills and meeting people, I was just locked in my dorm room masturbating and playing Minecraft.” Hinckley added, “Nobody was outgoing; I hardly saw a soul except in the hallway every so often. Everyone else was just so quiet, ya know?”
Hinckley admitted that he probably should’ve joined a few student groups at some point in his college career, but cited Lakeshore’s remote location as a barrier to extracurricular involvement of any kind. “I was interested in some stuff, maybe college politics or music or something, but I just never had time to make the trek downtown.” Hinckley said, “It’s still barely worth the hassle to go outside.”
Although college is oft thought of as an enjoyable and defining four years, Hinckley is adamant that he has experienced nothing of the sort, “because of stupid Lakeshore.” Hinckley maintains that “Everything would’ve been different if I’d been in Southeast and actually made some friends, but instead I just worked on 10,000 piece puzzles of sea animals and read a couple of crime novels.”
At press time, 22-year-old Hinckley was struggling to put together a halfway decent resume while angrily muttering something about “UW’s stupid selection process… fucking seventeenth choice... stupid fucking Lakeshore... fucking forty minute walk… fucking stupid bullshit.”
