As a polar bear used its teeth and claws to hastily tear him apart and consume his flesh, arctic wildlife preservationist Richard Graveman sincerely pondered why the animal he had worked so hard to protect was now on the verge of taking his life
The conservationist implored himself and the useless bystanders to offer an explanation for the vicious act that began with a leaping takedown and developed into a gory cloud of spurting blood and detached limbs.
“What has gotten into you? Release me at once,” Graveman could be heard screaming over loud grunts and ripping sounds while he failed to escape from the massive mammal. “How can you be so ungrateful for the tireless effort I’ve put forth on your behalf?”
Graveman—a University of British Columbia professor—spent much of his 30 year career researching and working to decrease human-induced climate change, outlaw poaching and protect the very species that was absolutely tearing him to shreds. This spring, he finally decided to splurge on his carbon footprint and travel to see his favorite animal up-close.
Graveman was expecting a much warmer welcome.
Graveman’s colleague Frederick Steiner also expressed perplexity to the local media as his long-time partner was quickly consumed nearby.
“Rich and I both thought these impressive bears would be thankful, or at least indifferent to our work,” Steiner said while scratching his head. “If I’m not mistaken, it appears as if they feel absolutely no moral obligation to contribute to our wellbeing in any way.”
Graveman’s questions were never resolved. He passed away a third of the way through the meal, which eventually concluded with his killer taking a long, peaceful nap beside his rotting carcass.
Think this polar bear should be punished? Tell Dylan on Twitter at https://twitter.com/mr_manderson.
