How’s a daughter supposed to react when her mom calls her up one afternoon and says she’s fallen in love?
Before that moment, I hadn’t heard any news of a new person in my mother’s life. I’d never heard of this guy she called “Mr. Right.” (She actually calls him this.) At first, I thought, ‘Oh, his last name must be Wright. There’s no way my mom is telling me she’s met the right guy.’ To be honest, I probably would’ve reacted better if she’d told me she’d fallen in a sinkhole or something, not love.
The line was dead before I could ask any questions—she was on her way to see “Gravity” with him. All I knew was that they’d started dating a few weeks ago, and he was eager to meet me… (This, of course, made me uneasy. I don’t really know how to make conversation or act normal in front of the guys my mom dates, so they usually think I’m super weird.)
Maybe I was overreacting, but for the first time, I felt like the worried parent. My mind flooded with doubt and concern; fear that she was setting herself up to get hurt and that this was all just hormones or something.
For years after my parents’ split, I watched my mom date guys and struggle to find the right one. Because of this, I grew up under the impression that you can have a really nice time with someone for a while, but you either end up separated and bitter, or together and bitter—neither of which sounds too appealing.
The next time I called her, I had a barrage of questions she refused to answer. All she said was we’d talk later. Her persistent silence puzzled me. Why couldn’t she just answer my questions right now? Then I realized—she was hanging out with Mr. Right as we talked on the phone; he was sitting there right next to her. It became apparent that their relationship was still new, and she was too embarrassed to say anything about him while he was there. I felt awful, like the parent who’d just unintentionally humiliated her daughter in front of her new boyfriend.
When she came to visit me in Madison a few weeks later, she spent as much time on her phone as a smitten teenager, never forgetting to text Mr. Right good night before bed. And when she said he was a serious guy, and they talked for hours every night, of course I became more worried. Isn’t it common knowledge that the serious ones hurt you the most? Who can forget Edward and Bella in “New Moon?” That was a shitshow. With the little information I had about this guy, he very well could’ve been a vampire. How was I supposed to know?
When I actually met him the experience was mostly what I expected: weird. My mom decided to invite my dad, stepmom, sister and best friend over for the occasion, since you know, the more awkward, the merrier. We discovered that my best friend’s mom works in the same department as him at the biggest company in the Twin Cities. On top of that, they haven’t had the best time working together in the past. That’s not a big deal though, just an interesting aside. Mostly I just didn’t know what to say to anyone and ate way too much.
Still, just like any mother/daughter, all I want for my mom is to be happy and safe, hence my concern. But let’s be real, you can’t live life too afraid to get hurt. I don’t really have any insight into what will happen next or what’s the best way to fall in love or if it’s even important. After meeting Mr. Right though, I can say he’s a very nice guy and probably not a vampire.
Has your mom started dating? Let Mara know by emailing jezior@wisc.edu.
