Erica,
This is not exactly a “sex” question per se, but I’m wondering if you have any advice for people who are shy about being naked with someone else. I don’t have specific reasons and I feel like I’m overall pretty comfortable with my body, but I just often feel anxious or nervous when I’m naked in front of [my partner]. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!
—Not Naked
A common problem, Not Naked—I’ll bet pretty much everybody has had a moment or two of insecurity in front of their partner, even those of us who generally feel fly about ourselves and our figures.
My strategies are somewhat contradictory to one another, but you can try both to see which works best for you. First, try being naked more often. Eat dinner naked. Sleep naked. Get ready for class naked. After awhile, being naked will seem like less of a big deal.
Additionally, spend some time checking yourself out while you’re naked. I’m super glad to hear you usually feel comfortable with your body; that in and of itself is worth celebrating. Play up that confidence. What parts of your body are really spectacular? If you’ve taken a thorough stock of your awesomeness, it will be much easier to calm the nerves when they crop up.
I’m not just suggesting checking yourself out visually, though. How does your own skin feel under your fingers? How does the skin of your belly feel different than the skin of your face, or your feet? What does your breath sound like, and how does it change when you get excited about something?
See if you can get to know yourself well enough to elevate yourself from feeling “comfortable” with your body to feeling “great” about it. I’m not trying to feed you BS about how every body is perfect just the way it is or whatever; however, I firmly believe that everyone has something (and usually multiple things) about themselves toward which they deserve to feel love and pride. The trick is finding those things, and then bringing them to the front and center of our self-image.
As you start to find them and feel more confident, try hanging out naked more with your partner, even/especially in non-sexual settings. In time, you will likely become more comfortable being naked out of sheer necessity, but also out of slowly progressing self-confidence.
However, building self-confidence is an ongoing process that takes time. Sometimes a long-ass time. So until you get there, perhaps you could try the opposite tactic: not being naked. Sometimes, there’s this little voice that freaks out when absolutely everything is out on display. Sometimes it’s specific—OMG I HATE MY BUTT, OMG I FORGOT TO SHAVE—but sometimes it’s just OMG I’M NAKED.
See if you can quiet that part by keeping just one little article on your body. Wear a shirt, or a sheet, or a bra, or a watch, or socks (whatever, it’s winter)—something that allows you to feel a little less OMG. If and when you start to feel more comfortable, perhaps let that coverage come off, or let your partner take it off for you. If it stays on the whole time, that’s okay too; sometimes leaving a little to your partner’s imagination can be sexier than baring it all.
Finally, please take a moment to consider whether your anxiety truly stems from being naked. Is it possible that it’s not the state of being naked which makes you uncomfortable, but rather the activities you and your partner are engaging in while naked? Have an honest check-in with your boundaries. If you feel like some of those boundaries are being crossed, or like there are some trust issues in your relationship even when you’re not naked, then it’s time to have a chat with your partner—fully clothed.
Becoming Tobias Funke? E-mail Erica at sex@dailycardinal.com for tips on trampling your “never nude” predicament and learning to strut what your mama gave ya.
