Dear Erica,
My boyfriend and I use condoms when we have sex and I’m sorry, but we hate them. I can’t stand interrupting everything to put the condom on, and both of us prefer the feeling of sex without a condom, but we are concerned about STDs and so we keep using them… How do we figure out how to make condoms less of a hassle?
—T.M.
Why not lose the condom, T.M.? Before I lose all of my sexual health cred, it’s true that condoms are a fantastic way to protect oneself from pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) if one does not currently desire those things. But condoms are not the only sexual health safeguard out there.
Have you both been tested for STIs? How recently? Have you been vaccinated for things like HPV and hepatitis? Do you only have sex with each other, or are you fluid-bonded (having barrier-less sex only with each other)? If contraception is a consideration, then what non-condom options do you feel comfortable using (e.g. birth control pills, an IUD, NuvaRing, the shot, the patch, etc)?
There are (minimizable) risks of going condom-less, but there are risks of continuing to force yourselves to use a barrier method you really dislike—sooner or later, because you had one drink too many, or you forgot to restock, or you just can’t stand it anymore, your chances of throwing caution to the wind are probably pretty high. Explore your options now so you can ditch the condoms without ditching any care or concern for your sexual health.
If you decide condoms are the best option despite their shortcomings, there are ways you can sexify a rubber, too. Keep condoms within arm’s reach of your bed (or any place you get down with relative frequency). Take one out of the drawer in advance if things are likely to get sexy (or may possibly get sexy, like you’re just going to “take a cuddle break” or “lie down and watch a movie”).
When you need the condom, incorporate it smoothly into the action. Put it on for your partner, adding some manual stimulation along the way. Double bonus points if you put it on with your mouth. Open the condom and unroll it over your thumbs a bit to ensure you’re putting it on the right way and to get the unrolling process started.
Look into his eyes while you put it in your mouth. Keep it in front of your teeth, and stick your tongue into the nubbin at the top. This will make sure no air gets in the tip, and will also allow you to use your tongue to anchor it at the head of the penis. Slide down the shaft with your mouth, keeping your teeth covered with your lips and keeping the tip in place with your tongue.
Once you get a little ways down the shaft, you can let go with your tongue at the top and use your lips to unroll it all the way down to the base. If you don’t get it quite to the base, he probably won’t mind a little hand job action—I mean, a little readjustment with your hands.
Make sure the condom is the correct size. A too-snug condom can be difficult to get into and uncomfortable to stay inside; a too-loose condom can create unpleasant friction and textures. Try putting a drop of lube in the condom to create a nice wet sensation inside, even if the condom is already lubricated. Any non-oil-based lube is okay to use with latex. Adding more lube to the outside never hurts, either. Experiment with ribbed, studded or ultra-thin styles to vary and/or enhance sensation for both partners.
Finally, consider switching to a receptive condom. I wrote this column assuming T.M. is referring to the more commonly used insertive condom (condoms worn over a penis or sex toy), and if that’s the case, consider another barrier method. Receptive condoms (AKA female condoms) can be inserted into a vagina or anus up to eight hours before sex, eliminating the need to put on a condom in the moment.
A contraceptive/barrier is only effective if you use it. If your method is so inconvenient it may interfere with your use of it, then it’s time to rethink either your method or the way you think about it. Condom or no condom, best of luck.
Want more tips on how to make slipping on a condom a sensual, titillating moment for you and your partner? Then e-mail Erica at sex@dailycardinal.com for more helpful tips.
