Do you have the perfect Valentine's Day date planned? Well, even if you think you do, you're wrong––because the perfect Valentine's Day requires the perfect musical accompaniment, and you were probably planning on putting on some Justin Bieber shit. Yeah, we bet you feel stupid now. Thankfully The Daily Cardinal is here to save you and provide the following tunes for each segment of your perfect V-Day. You can thank us for saving your relationship later.
Picking up your date
Chill. Just chill.
Love is indeed a ""crazy little thing."" You may love the idea of it, and this Monday, you may love the sheer idea of going out with your significant other on Valentine's Day, but it's really not all its cracked up to be, as Queen's ""Crazy Little Thing Called Love"" explains. After you've doused yourself in that so-strong-it-burns special occasion scent and managed to leave the house with only a few visible shaving wounds, you hop in the newly dubbed love mobile and speed away to pick up Ms. (or. Mr.) Right or Right Now. But, I simply can't resist quoting the great Freddie Mercury on this one, ""[You] gotta be cool, relax"" because this holiday's about to get really awkward, and might I add, severely overpriced.
- Kaitlyn Kirby
Dinner
A time for Dino and vino
Love songs were better 60 years ago. There is something about the romantic, albeit over-the-top, themes of the past that cannot be matched. And while you don't want Dean Martin's ""You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You"" backtracking the blindfolds and whipped cream, it's the perfect song for toasting red wine and sharing a slice of tiramisu. While its lyrics are a bit outrageous—""You're nobody till somebody loves you … The world still is the same / You'll never change it … So find yourself somebody to love.""—it's Valentine's Day, the perfect time to be ignorant of the realities of life and love. Save hating this song for next year when you're back to spending V-Day on your futon drinking Franzia and eating the entire heart-shaped box of Russell Stovers mom sent you.
- Jacqueline O'Reilly
Dessert
Love is sticky sweet delicious
Chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne are the sweetest, pun intended, part of Valentine's Day. You know after your yummy V-Day dinner there is always room for sweet treats, but we can do much better than those cliché little after dinner tarts. How about some double cherry pie or some disco lemonade or better yet, some ""Sex and Candy."" With entrees like these on the dessert menu, lovers can assure that their holiday will be anything but boring. Disco lemonade is the new champagne and double cherry pie with sex and candy is the new chocolate-covered strawberries. However, users are advised to order with caution, as the outcome is guaranteed to be kinky and adventurous. But hey, isn't that what the dessert part of this lovely holiday is all about? If you're having some uncertainties about the dessert items, call up Marcy Playground for more information.
- Taylor Viegut
Foreplay
No need to be subtle
After getting stuffed full of chocolate mousse, nothing puts me in the mood for a roll in the sack more than the 80s R&B parody of Snoop Dogg's ""Sensual Seduction"" (a.k.a. ""Sexual Eruption""), heavy on the keytar, chimes and Auto Tune. Then again, maybe I'm the only person on this Earth that finds Snoop biting down on a talk box hose sexy.
Unless you and your date are both three sheets to the wind by this point, the lead-up to making the beast with two backs is a strained, awkward process, and no gangsta rapper understands this better than Snoop. And with lines like ""It wasn't no use for me to rush to bust one / Cuz I wanted her to have an eruption,"" who can resist his grotesque charm?
If you really want to put your date over the top, dim the lights and pull the superbly sleazy music video up on YouTube. Even if your seducing efforts fail, you can at least have a good laugh with your date about the sheer ridiculousness of the track.
- Emma Roller
Sexy time
Let's get it on
It's been a long night, and it's finally time to retire for the evening. If you're a little nervous, have no fear, R. Kelly is here to show you how to seduce a woman properly—90's style. Ladies, that means its time to step out of the Chevy Impala, let down your permed hair, and allow your man to ""satisfy your every need."" Gentlemen, it's time to pour your lady a glass of wine, turn down the lights, take off your graphite silver suit and aviators and allow the soft croon of R. Kelly's ""Bump N' Grind"" help you ring in the end of a magnificent Valentine's Day date.
- Riley Beggin
The morning after
Baby, what happened last night?
The morning after Valentine's Day can be as rough as the sloppy sex was the night before. And every year people wake up from drunken slumbers, clothes everywhere, roses and chocolates in or around the bed and one looming question in the back of their mind: What the hell happened last night? The walk of shame is inevitable but there's a song that spares whatever dignity you have left and makes the sex with a lonely grenade (yes, a reference to Jersey Shore) a little more acceptable: Jaime Foxx's ""Blame It."" There aren't many worthy excuses but you can always, in any drunken debacle, blame it on the goose.
- Nick Cusatis
